The Foolish Writer

I know you've tried very hard to get accepted by people. You've please people in order to feel less alone in this world. You secretly want to be discovered by a talent manager to feel that you exist. I know you feel alone despite being surrounded by people. I know you want to be seen, to be loved and to be noticed. I know you've been looking forward to the 25 year old you, who's successful in their career and family. But I hate to break the bad news to you, she doesn't exist. I'm your turning 32 in August self. I'm still single. I dated a few times. I got rejected by every man I adored and saw potential with. But despite those hardships. I have grown to be grateful because I started to love you and me. I started to accept that your existence matters. I am perceptive now because I needed that skill to survive in this world. You made this possible because you were strong enough to withstand all the things that was thrown at you. I know how much love you crave ...

Life isn't easy lately.  I declared that I wanted to join a speech contest and I wanted to win it too. But after the declaration I realized, that I needed to work on my speech patterns. The work was not just for one or two things. It felt like what I only had was courage and confidence--which I was beginning to lose at that point--and nothing else. Then saboteurs started to come over me, I had doubts that I could do it. Secretly, I was hoping my crush would cheer me up and tell me--he believes in me. But no, to add salt to the wound--he declined to mentor me. I only told him once that I had an anxiety attack over my decision of joining the contest. He said something along the lines of, “If you join you're not expected to win it. Whatever your decision will be the members of the club are there to support you either way. But of course, you're already joining, you might as well win it. ” With those words, he helped calm down my nerves. Frankly, I understand why he declined to ...