The Foolish Writer

Life isn't easy lately.  I declared that I wanted to join a speech contest and I wanted to win it too. But after the declaration I realized, that I needed to work on my speech patterns. The work was not just for one or two things. It felt like what I only had was courage and confidence--which I was beginning to lose at that point--and nothing else. Then saboteurs started to come over me, I had doubts that I could do it. Secretly, I was hoping my crush would cheer me up and tell me--he believes in me. But no, to add salt to the wound--he declined to mentor me. I only told him once that I had an anxiety attack over my decision of joining the contest. He said something along the lines of, “If you join you're not expected to win it. Whatever your decision will be the members of the club are there to support you either way. But of course, you're already joining, you might as well win it. ” With those words, he helped calm down my nerves. Frankly, I understand why he declined to ...

I never told you how much it hurt me that you didn't have faith in me. It hurt me that you do not understand me, despite the number of times I tried to make you understand. I never told you that I knew that it always hurt you when I challenge you to end me with a knife. I never told you that you give me anxieties whenever you talk to me. I never told you how much love I have for you that it actually hurts me when you don't believe me. I never told you that I actually understand you. I never told you I get why you are who you are. I never told you that you are not the ideal mom nor the perfect mom. But you tried and fought hard to provide the best things for us. I am so much grateful because I became this strong because of your influence in me. I never told you that I wanted to do the same for you too. I wanted to give you the best life that you deserve to  have. I wanted to erase all of your problems. But there's little power in me to do these. I never told you that I have ...

Today is the 16th of May 2017, I will never forget this feeling. I used all my positivity to get this far. I am an honest-to-God-lazy-student since starting school. I never study. I prefer playing than studying. I prefer working over studying. Why? Because there was a point in my life that I wished to become the valedictorian of the class or maybe graduating as Magna Cum Laude. That's why I studied harder than any other student can. The highest I got was an 80. That's why I got so depressed that I refuse to study again. Why study? When you can get a passing grade without studying? I thought to myself. That's why I graduated in high school and college as an average student. I just simply given myself to the thought that I was an average student. I'm no genius (in Chinese 天才). I am confident with almost everything in my life except academics. That's the only exception in my life. I just feel like I'm not one of those honor students. I'm nothing like the...

I've always took pride that I had a crush on you when I was just in kindergarten. We were in the same school but in different sections. I was Section A and you were B. I don't know how it all started, or why it started. I just remember those feelings for you. The best memory of that is when we exchanged letters during recess. I also remember how I wrote it down in a piece of paper in an iron stand. But what I don't remember is how things ended. Chances are you've also forgotten all about that by now.  Maybe it's for the best. The worst memory of that is when I called it a secret when everybody in my circle knows. The fact that our school is small that secrets like that could spread like  wildfire. I was lucky though that someone had the same name as you. But still, I am a little embarrassed that you must have found it out that way. I never knew how I came to learn the feeling of "crush". It must have been my nanny's influence over me.  Maybe I ...

For starters, I'm planning to jot down every lesson that I learn in my life. I will turn this sad little personal blog of mine to an inspirational blog. I hope by spreading this post out, it'll help a lot of people with the same issues that I used to have and will be having. Let me give you a brief background about me, ever since I was a kid I aspire to be the top of the class. The talented one and the best person for anything. When you see me or even look at me, you could tell that I was the intelligent one in the class. I would probably make a living for being the brightest among the crowd of students. Yep, that's me the ambitious little kid in the block. Sorry to disappoint you though, but I am nothing but an average kid in school. So, if you feel like I've wasted your time reading this. I don't mind if you close the tab now. Since, you wouldn't care less about someone like me--yet, but hopefully someday you will.  Anyhow, I have high regard for s...

I have always been a strong believer of natural beauty. Last night, I had this awkward conversation about beauty and make up with a distant relative. I was told that I need to put a little make up on or the least I could do is fix my eyebrows. Because being ATTRACTIVE, attracts MEN. She also told me that if I don't do this, I won't be courted or even married. Oh, please. I have a friend who used to be more plump than I am. She does not even wear make up. But she had men lining up. She even had this one guy go crazy over her. See what I mean? Another friend of mine, who eats more than an average person does but never gets fat. She also does not wear make up. She's neither sexy nor slim. But she has a boyfriend who loves her oh so much. Bottomline? It's not the appearance that attracts love. However, I agree with her with men like attractive. Let's face it. Even ladies are guilty with this. But what I was against of was putting an effort to be se...